Fireproof

I'm a Christian.

I'm quite proud of the man they call Jesus Christ and what he's done.

I also believe that he's quite an individual himself, going with the people to see what they like.

I also believe that God is not the smiting, society-hating deity that every pastor makes us want to believe.

I believe, consequently, that the Trinity will watch and appreciate Pulp Fiction not only for its satirical look at the crime world, but also for its sharp humor, its shocking drama, and the fact that it's a lot better than watching those "Christian" movies that are more about exploitation than they are about telling the truth about religion in general.

I also believe that God can watch, will watch, and appreciate every other amazing R and NC-17 rated film for its values and morals, not for what you think it's about. I think he will put them on equal terms with film classics, beautifully-shot family films, and the filmography of Wes Anderson.

I believe that God would enjoy Fireproof as much as he could have if it were better filmed, better produced, better written, and better acted.

Sadly, it's not any of those things. It not only comes across as one of the most unoriginal marriage dramas ever written, it comes across as making the Christian church quite arrogant in its propagation of Baptist theology, anti-individualism, and just plain ignorance.

However, it does have a good story - man and woman argue over man's desires and man has to calm down, so he tries to until realizing that maybe it's a little bit better to be a little more spiritual and more self-cleansing than to do the same shit over and over. Sadly, the film makes us believe that it's the Christian church that can only save you. Yes, I believe in God and Christ Jesus, but I also believe that the film is not so real. I believe that the Apostle Paul was a bit hypocritical when he added more laws (i.e. the Biblical No Cussing Club, no joking about God, no fags) that seemed more Old Testament than New Testament. I believe that this film is a bit ham-fisted and corny when it tries to tell us about Christ, especially the scene where Kirk Cameron's stereotypically bad-boy character goes with his dad to a park and sees a cross. Days after that, I began to think: "What if ol' Caleb was gonna be crucified?" So I imagined it. Dude, the whole point of salvation is to get saved in any place you can, not just a place where Christian icons are. It's not Greece - you're not Zach Galifianakis. And plus, you don't have his sexual curiosity. You're married. You aren't supposed to fap like that everyday.

And how they got away with that in a PG film. Yes, I believe in a very liberal MPAA system, so it's OK for them. But to show this to kids on how to be a better Christian? This is a marriage drama, not fucking Annie Hall. Kids can't last on hot sauce drinking contests alone. There's PG movies kids can't understand. This is one of them.

And plus, the hot sauce competition has no point in the film other than defining Caleb as an asshole. Yeah, Kirk Cameron plays a good asshole. If only he would stop overacting every time he does so. And plus, no realism in a marriage drama? No hard-hitting realism other than "hey look the doctor Erin Bethea's flirting with is cheating on his wife"? What do we get? Coney Bomb and absence of profanity. Dude, you're in a fucking fire station. They're gonna curse like crazy on the job. Well, not at the car accident, but you know, when they're fighting fires! God, Backdraft is more realistic than this!

I just don't like this film. The message has potential, but how they carry it out is just plain wrong. Plus, getting non-talented actors isn't a good way to make an indie film. Hell, even Jim Jarmusch and Alejandro Jodorowsky know how to make those films, especially the latter. He's been making Christian satires since El Topo.

/rant